haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
