I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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