Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
