We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
