I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
