Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
