also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
two words: eviction party
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
