I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Soap is not a condiment
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The air was thick with penises
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
