He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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