Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
