there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
