Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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