all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
