If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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