Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize