Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
