we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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