If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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