Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
