i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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