Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
