If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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