and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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