I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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