Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
everyone is single if you try hard enough
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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