waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
