Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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