we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
