Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize