I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
