wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He did a backflip because drugs
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
