big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
