DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
do herpes really smell.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
