I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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