Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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