God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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