Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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