Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
