i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
