I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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