Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
