Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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