wat bout pragnant strippers??
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
