I wannas sexs uuuuu
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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