Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Im part way to drunk.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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