We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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