Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
