I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
