I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
