apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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