Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I checked into jail on foursquare
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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