Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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