Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
