im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
