This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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