dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
