Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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