If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize