you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
