HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
