Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
