OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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