something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
