i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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