I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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