too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
