I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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