If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
