then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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