His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
