so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
