I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
