my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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