True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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