I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
