Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
