He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
it's great music for shaving your balls
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
