my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
