this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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