I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
